A Life SO Ordinary
Saturday, Feb. 14, 2004
just for the record this has been the WORST Valentines in my short years!From the moment it started at midnight until now. Last night after I got home after Parent's Night Out at curch, my dad got into me for a number of reasons; ya see I'm planning on moving out in August and he's so scared about that plus other descisions that I have made.
He got up in my face and told me that I'm selfish and I need to wake up to reality. We ended up talking it out calmly. I also told Susan, that I couldn't move in with her because ever since I told her that I would nothing has gone as planned. I mean NOTHING.
I'm just gonna try school over in the fall.
And the plot thickens. This isn't just the worst Valentine's day ever for that one little fight. I mean My dad can yell ya know? About anything.
I met this guy at Starbuck's the other night. We had so much fun, and we totally clicked. We both wanted to date eachother. It was great. My first real boyfriend in FOREVER, and the f***er CAN KISS. I only kissed him like that cause I was so nervous (not that I didn't enjoy). Then I think he got the impression that I just wanted to kiss alot (again not that I really minded). So when I went to his house to hang out (before Parent's Night Out) we just made out. Alot. Yea.
Well after this fight with my dad I felt pulled in so many directions, and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship in the morning.
He messaged me a few minutes ago and said he liked being my "playtoy". He now feels used and I should have given him a better explanation than I did this morning. Oh geez.
I haven't even told you about Susan (the gal I was supposed to move in with). Ya see, I call her directly after the fight with my dad(while I'm still all freaking out and crying) and tell her I can't move in with her for above said reasons. I guess the only good thing is that she understood my decision. Here's What she wrote:
Michelle, I love you, I want you to know I am not angry with you. I went through much of the same thing with Jon, Sarah and my Mom. Your Dad is trying to break you down and manipulate you; he just doesn't know how else to get you to stay. I know that feeling of being scared.. overwhelmed... believe me when I moved in alone it was one of the scariest things I have ever done. If you feel like it's wrong because in your heart its wrong, don't do it. Wait until you get a job and things are going right for you to make the move, it doesn't have to be now. I just want you to be happy wherever you are at, I dunno how happy you are there. Now is the time to shed the ideas you learned in your youth and create your own ideas, morals and values, not because they have been drilled into your head but because it gives a reason to thrive. Just wait until the time is right for you and obviously it isnt right, at the moment.. just wait it out. love ya talk to you tomorrow
Ya know sometimes I wonder why Susan and I are friends. I sometimes feel we don't click or are too different. Then she writes things like this and I know I have a life-long friend.
So I guess that's my Valentine's Day Trauma. I'll update you on the guy ASAP.
