A Life SO Ordinary
Tuesday, Apr. 22, 2003
Well today my grandma died... i didnt even get to see her... i think thats why i was crying so hard... i didnt get to say goodbye. its selfish, but hey we all have our needs.my sis lauretta called me and told me as soon as she got to my aunt trish's this morning. retta told me she died peacefully; like she fell asleep... i wanted to be there for her, but i couldnt.
i just talked to my older sis online just now... mel and i wanted to see her in a viewing, but my grandma's kids (my dad, and his older bro and sis) decided not to. heres the conversation:
RettaStan: michelle
araina2003: yea
RettaStan: have a question about grandma's stuff
araina2003: yea
RettaStan: about seeing her, before she is cremated?
RettaStan: what were your feelings on it?
araina2003: i wanted to see her
araina2003: why did yall already do it?
RettaStan: no, but I wanted to talk to you about it, because
RettaStan: she did age a lot over the past 8 months...and if you didn't see it gradually happen it would be a shock to see the jump from when you last saw her to where she is now
RettaStan: you understand what i'm saying?
araina2003: retta.... it'll be ok, i'll have u guys with me...
RettaStan: no sweetie you won't
araina2003: and i want to see her
araina2003: i mean after
RettaStan: daddy will not go to a viewing, trish will not go, mark will not go
RettaStan: after cremating?
araina2003: huh?
RettaStan: non of her childeren (daddy, mark and trish) want to see her before she is cremated
araina2003: ok
araina2003: so there wont be a viewing?
RettaStan: they all have told me that tehy just want to remember her they way they did
RettaStan: probably not
araina2003: oh
RettaStan: do you understand why?
araina2003: GOD this pisses me off
RettaStan: dont get pissed off
araina2003: they did the same DAMN THING with grandpa
RettaStan: no with grandpa it was different
araina2003: i loved her too!
RettaStan: we had no choice
RettaStan: with grandpa
RettaStan: it's different when they are dead michelle
araina2003: i understand that
RettaStan: chris damn near went insane when he saw his dad dead, and grandma is aged much worse the mike ever was
araina2003: im not a lil kida lauretta
RettaStan: chris will never go to another veiwing of a loved one again
araina2003: well i want to make that decision for myself
araina2003: i dont know how i'll react but i at least want to know...
RettaStan: nobody is calling you a little kid
araina2003: i know
araina2003: im just sayin
RettaStan: then don't just say
araina2003: i dont know how to sya it another way
RettaStan: if you want to be treated like a n adult then take others advise and don't torcher yourself
araina2003: but u dont know that it'll torture me
RettaStan: you HAVEN"T SEEN how OLD she got michelle,
RettaStan: I don't know how to say it in a nice way
araina2003: i dont iunderstand what you mean
RettaStan: she got very old, when people get old and stop moving around their bodies dont' have any use for thier muscles, so all that was left was our grandmother, and her bones and skin
araina2003: r u talking about like nazi pow's?
araina2003: like that?
RettaStan: what?
are you being stupid
araina2003: NO
RettaStan: what the hell kind of thing is that to say
RettaStan: no she didn't look like a nazi POW
araina2003: i mean like tiny like that
araina2003: retta im not being stupid!
araina2003: im trying to understand what your explaining to me
RettaStan: she got very tiny...so frail that there were certain tests that the doctors wanted to do, but they wouldn't dare because she was so frail
RettaStan: they were scared of breaking bones or colapsing organs and stuff
araina2003: jesus
araina2003: i want to see her lauretta
araina2003: is it also because of the cost of a viewing?
RettaStan: grandma didn't eat for 49 days
RettaStan: the cost to keep grandma in veiwing condition is $100.00/day plus the casket to lay her in is additional
araina2003: yea i figured
RettaStan: yea you figured what
RettaStan: i'm not worried about the cost
araina2003: that it would be expensive
araina2003: calm down retta.... ur readin too much into what im saying
araina2003: golly
araina2003: calm down
RettaStan: i won't colm down until you listen to what everyone who has been through this horrible decision before
RettaStan: she didn't eat for 49 days...the last 3 weeks of her life she didn't use a muscle in her body...she wouldnt want her michelle to see her that way
araina2003: i wanna see her, but i understand what u and her kids have decided
araina2003: it makes sense it just hurts ya know?
RettaStan: i know it hurts, but here is something that trish and I thought at the same time and I think this should be comfort for you ...she really really wouldn't want you (of all ppl ) to see her like that....and certainly not melissa
araina2003: i know
RettaStan: it hurts me too, because i was in the same damn town and i didn't "get around" to seeing her before she passed
araina2003: when u called me, after u told me that she had only a month, was it b/c she was getting worse...
RettaStan: everything I passed along to you guys was via a doctor
araina2003: i know
RettaStan: when they first found the cancer in her lung they said within 6 months...then the general doctor said because of the pnuemonia and the lung cancer that it would be much sooner
araina2003: yea
RettaStan: what are you still doing up?
RettaStan: you should be trying to get some sleep since I woke you up so early
araina2003: i had a nap at 6 pm
RettaStan: ah
araina2003: plus these are my awake hours
RettaStan: I know, but your going to have to try and get on normal ppl hours because you guys may be coming into town tomorrow night or early the next morning
araina2003: we're coming on thursday morning
araina2003: and i wanted to stay longer
araina2003: so i need to talk to connie and daddy
RettaStan: when do you leave?
araina2003: i dont know yet... but thursday morning
araina2003: daddy doesnt get home until around noon tomorrow
RettaStan: yeah i know
araina2003: so we'll finalize then
RettaStan: okay
RettaStan: well I need to get up early so i'm gonna let you go
araina2003: hey
araina2003: can i still stay with you if i do stay longer
RettaStan: you will explain to melissa that grandma would not have wanted her to see her,
RettaStan: of course
araina2003: i wanna be with aunt trish and help her with grandmas stuff
araina2003: yea i will
RettaStan: there isnt much of grandmas stuff sweetie
RettaStan: but okay
RettaStan: i'll talk to you guys tomorrow
araina2003: ok bye bye
